Disappointed? Who, ME??

I have  to say, I have been avoiding this topic for quite awhile.I am an SPM leaver (finally) and the fact is that I didn't do as well as I should have. Am I disappointed? No. Hardly. Never. Nuh uh. Well, a bit. Why, because I know I could have done better. As a normal student would do, I blame other's for my shortcomings even though I know that the blame resides totally in me. I had the time to get my grip together and produce miracles that would amaze people around me including myself. I have done it before. In my third form, I was in a state where the teachers never even for a bit believed that I was actually studying properly. I don't think I was myself. But towards the end I manged to produce a straight aced result that I was kinda expecting and I made it to become the only kid in school that accomplished that result in that year. Lack of modesty, you ask? I lie to you not. I really was, the ONLY person in that school, THAT year to actually ace the exams.

But it never really bothered me. Now that I think back, it really should have. The school that I went to was lax when it came to seriously educating a person. Why? Because the place had a reputation for being the deadbeat school. No one there was taken seriously, for their education anyway. Why was I there? That was the place where all my mates that I knew from primary were. I was safer there, in an odd sense. Despite the reputation of the school being as it was, I had more friends there. I should have pushed to get to a better school (there was one down the road), but I didn't. No use talking about it now.

For 4 years (and a half) I stuck to this school. I got my 7 A's for the public exam. Then, the mistake. In my own opinion at the time I expected myself to be able to cope with the syllabus that was form 4 and 5. I couldn't. My teacher's were, if anything, great people, but were not just that good enough to get me to do better. The subjects required someone who could explain. No one could there. When we moved down to Malacca, I could hardly keep up with my new friends, despite me thinking I could. I'm sorry, disappointing Mr. Chay and all but that is how it worked out.  The lot over there were smarter, intelligent and all the thing's I needed to surround myself in the beginning. I suppose, coming to Malacca, I had more fun with them that my studying was neglected, I dunno. Something was lacking in me.

That was then, This is now. SPM is over. My life in public school is over. I don't regret not acing that exam. I admit that I could have done better, much better in fact IF I had been ready, but it was not to be. I got my 6 A's, 3 B+ and I am a happier person for it. Truly, I can say to myself that acing an exam is not all what it is cranked up to be. Sure there are benefits, but they don't benefit everybody, as people will tell you.

As a warning to all people whom are in public schools, don't adapt yourself to the lifestyle of memorising and expecting teacher to give the answers for everything, When you get to the outside world, you will suffer. I know. I'm going through it now.